Before I Go
by xBohemianPoetx
Summary: Roger meets a young girl in Life Support that reminds him of himself at her age. Please Read and Review! Rated T.
1. Mirror Image

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

A/N: I know I'm not that great at writing stories, but I'm taking a short story class in college next month so I'm hoping that will help me improve. Reviews, flames, whatever you want to say are appreciated as long as it's honest. Thanks!

Chapter 1

_January 25th, 1:00 p.m.-Standard Eastern Time _

Snow fell softly and slowly on that morning. It touched the concrete but didn't accumulate on the ground. The air was sharp and raw, and it harshly hit the face of an attractive young man in his twenties walking down the street. His dirty blonde hair blew in the wind, and he squinted his green eyes as the cold air rushed at him. Roger Davis walked quickly with his hands in his pockets. He didn't want to be late for his life support meeting. Lately, it seemed that these "gatherings" were all he had left. In a cruel twist of fate, Mimi died a month after the night Maureen and Joanne found her in the park. Her death was quiet and un-dramatic, but painful none the less. Then in March of that year, death came around again and claimed Collins. Maureen, Joanne, and Mark were as supportive as they could be, but Roger felt truly understood at Life Support. He was surprised he lasted this long, he truly believed Collins would outlive him, especially after Mimi's death.

When Roger arrived at the Ryder Community Center, he opened the heavy metal door and brushed the snow off of himself. He had arrived just in time.

"Hello Roger, glad you could make it" said Paul. Then all of the other members said their hellos. Paul and the others always welcomed Roger as if it were his first day. Most of them were new to Life Support. Roger had seen a lot of people come and go. It was a blur of wakes, funerals, sadness, but also sometimes surprisingly peace.

Roger took his place at the circle and Paul was ready to begin.

"Okay, who would like to begin today?" he asked the group.

Roger took a deep breath and went for it. He raised his hand and Paul said "Yes, Roger. How are you feeling today?"

"Not too great" Roger responded.

"And why is that?" Paul asked.

"Well, it's January, the month Mimi died and…" but before he could continue, a loud BANG was heard. A girl had entered the room, and the door had slammed behind her. She looked around seventeen, and had an eyebrow piercing. She was wearing a black skirt and black boots and a leather jacket. She wore too much make up and didn't look too concerned with the interruption she had just caused.

She strutted over to the circle and took a seat. Paul didn't look offended and he asked her pleasantly "Hi what's your name?"

"Crystal" she said shortly.

Her arms were folded over her chest and she looked like she didn't want to be bothered. Roger also noticed her black eye, it looked new. Now that she sat so close to him he noticed her features. She had long black hair and sharp blue eyes and her frame was very thin and petite. Her lips were full and looked dramatic with the purple lipstick she wore. Roger began seeing himself in Crystal. Her standoffish ways, her body language and her demeanor all reflected a young Roger Davis with a "fuck you" to the world attitude.

"Well, Crystal, would you like to talk to us? You don't have to today, it's whenever you're ready" said Paul gently.

"Well, let's see, I'm here, but not because I want to be. I was sent here by the court, they thought I needed "counseling" said Crystal.

"And why were you in court?" asked Paul.

"Me and my ex-boyfriend were caught with coke. It was either this or jail" she said.

"Why are you in Life Support and not in a group for addicts?" asked Paul.

"Because I'm HIV positive" said Crystal.

Roger winced. _She's so young damn it, how could this be _he thought to himself.

"Well, if I'm not prying, I'd like to know how you contracted the illness" said Paul.

"You are prying and I don't want to say!" said Crystal defiantly.

"Okay" said Paul still with his calm demeanor. "We don't have to go there today."

Other members then spoke, but Roger couldn't stop looking at Crystal. He wanted to know much more about her. He wanted to save her. He wanted to do something right before he died.

A/N: Sorry it's so short, I just wanted to set it up, the other chapters will be longer!


	2. I wanna save you

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

Chapter 2

When the meeting was over, Crystal was one of the first to get up and walk out. Roger followed her outside and the metal door almost hit him in the face. He tried to keep up with her on the busy sidewalk but it was difficult. He couldn't understand how she could walk so fast in those heels, but he then remembered living around Angel and Mimi and that answered his own question. He broke into a quick jog and finally caught up with her.

He tapped her shoulder and said "Hey" out of breath.

She stared at him for a second, not knowing what to make of the situation. After a second she said "Hi…"

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright, you looked pretty upset in there" Roger said to her.

"Is this some kind of way to get into my pants because I'm not interested" said Crystal.

Roger was thrown off by this, but couldn't blame her. Back then he would have pulled whatever would work to get a girl in bed, but most of the time they came to him, especially crazy drunk groupies. Most of them said they were eighteen when he asked, but it's not like he did background checks or anything. But this was not his motive now. He wanted to be a mentor, have a positive influence on somebody, kind of like a big brother type.

"Maybe five years ago" he said with a grin after a moment.

"So why are you interested…?"

"Roger. Roger Davis" he said.

"Crystal Muller. So, like I was saying, are you some serial killer that follows girls and tries to befriend them or something?" she said smiling.

"Very funny, but no. I don't know you just looked like you needed someone to talk to" Roger said back. _Smartass _he thought to himself.

Crystal started giggling and said "You just met me, how do you know I'm not some crazy killer?"

"I guess I'll just have to find out for myself won't I?" he said.

Crystal was confused why this stranger, a very attractive one she may add at that, was so concerned about her. He seemed trustworthy enough, and his eyes seemed to put her at ease. Finally someone gave a shit about her, not even her own family or that prick she was "dating" did.

They continued walking down the street until Roger said "You want to take a walk in Central Park and just talk?"

"Sure" she said. _What am I doing? I don't even know him, but there's something about him that would make me follow him anywhere _Crystal thought.

When they got there, Crystal said to Roger, "Ok, if I tell you about myself, you have to tell me about yourself".

Roger panicked a little at the thought of this. He didn't know how it would feel to reopen old wounds, but it seemed fair enough.

"Deal" he said. "How did you get the shiner?"

"My ex" she said.

"Why did he hit you? Did he do it a lot?" Roger asked.

"No, this was after we got busted for the drugs. He blamed me for getting caught of course. It doesn't matter now though. He kicked me out a couple of days ago because he's with some new skank, but it's not like he wasn't with them when we were together anyway" she said looking at the ground.

"Are you living anywhere now?" he asked.

"Yah, I found some squatty thing a couple of blocks from here. I just need somewhere to stay until I can make enough money at my job to get the hell out of here" she said.

"You don't have family you can stay with?" asked Roger.

"No, I was kicked out. My step dad's an asshole and convinced my mom to kick me out because I wouldn't sleep with him. She made her choice and believed all the things he said about me. Then I met Jake at a club. He's twenty three but I didn't care, I just would take anything at the time really" she said.

Roger felt troubled by this and couldn't believe a girl so young had to go through so much in her life. He then asked her "I don't mean to come on too strong, but were you a junkie?"

"No, I wasn't. I don't do drugs, contrary to popular belief. I know where you're going with this, but no a needle is not how I got HIV" she said.

Roger was speechless and didn't want to say the wrong thing. After a moment Crystal said "I'll answer you're question for you, I was raped. That's how I got it. Jake got it from fooling around but didn't know he had it. I didn't want to sleep with him yet, but he got what he wanted anyway."

"How are you making money here, you're so young" said Roger.

"I work at the Pink Cheetah" said Crystal.

Roger knew what the Pink Cheetah was. It was a strip club, but that's an understatement. It might as well have been a full blown whorehouse.

"You can't work there" said Roger.

"Excuse me, who said you, could tell me what to do?" said Crystal crossly.

"You don't deserve to work in such a shithole. I'll see if I can get you a job at the Life Café. I know you're not eighteen yet so you can't waitress, but I got connections there and I'll find you something" he said.

_Why is he going through so much trouble for me? A part of me says this is going to cost something, but the other part says he's a caring guy just trying to look out for me. I'll have to see _thought Crystal.

"It's getting cold, do you want to get some tea at my loft. Id love for you to meet my friends" said Roger.

"Yeah, sure, but you still gotta tell me about yourself and your past" said Crystal.

"I know. I keep my promises" said Roger. They both then headed towards Alphabet City.


	3. What's your story?

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, I really appreciate them!**

Chapter 3

While Crystal and Roger were going up the stairs to his loft, he said "My friends are totally cool. You don't have to worry about being hit on by anyone, except maybe Maureen when she's drunk but she does that to everyone and is completely harmless."

Crystal laughed and said "I'll keep my eyes open."

Roger pulled the sliding door and they both went inside.

"Here, have a seat on the couch. Do you need a blanket?" he asked her.

She shook her head no and he said "Ok, I'm going to go to the kitchen and make some tea. I'll be right back."

As Roger walked into the kitchen, Mark came out of his room. He eyed the guest for a moment, and then said "Hi, I'm Roger's best friend and roommate Mark. Make yourself at home; I just have to go speak to him for one second."

He walked up to Roger in the kitchen and said "Can I talk to you in my room for a minute?"

"Sure," said Roger. He followed Mark into his room and shut the door.

"What the hell are you doing!" said Mark.

"What do you mean? I met Crystal at Life Support and I'm just trying to help her. That's it" said Roger.

"I am not bailing your ass out of jail Davis!" said Mark.

"You're not going to have to. I'm just being there for her in a _brotherly _way. Trust me," said Roger.

"Alright, I trust you. I'm going to go down to the Life and make dinner reservations. Would you like me to include Crystal?" asked Mark.

"Yes, I'd really appreciate that," said Roger.

Mark put on his jacket and scarf and walked out of his room, followed by Roger. He waved goodbye to Crystal and walked out of the door. Roger went back into the kitchen and finished making her tea. He brought out two cups of it and put them on the table. He then took a spot next to Crystal on the couch.

"We're all going out to dinner at the Life Café, I want you to come," said Roger.

"I don't have any mon…" Crystal began but Roger cut her off and said "Don't worry about it."

"So you and Mark, are you like a thing?" asked Crystal. She looked right into Roger's eyes when she asked this.

"No…we are just very good friends thank you very much," Roger replied.

Crystal laughed and said "I know, I know, I just like busting your chops. Anyway, I'd love to go out to dinner with you guys tonight. Who else is coming?"

"Maureen, Mark's ex who dumped him for her now girlfriend Joanne, who will also be there," he said.

Crystal started laughing hysterically when she heard this and said "Oh man, poor guy."

"Yeah, he's been through a lot. Well, I'm going to go take a shower and change so you can just stay out here and make yourself comfortable. Just don't touch Mark's camera, trust me you don't want to suffer the wailing and nagging that ensues," said Roger.

"Ok, I'll keep that in mind," said Crystal smiling. Roger left and walked into the bathroom. She watched him close the door then got up to look around. He still didn't tell her anything, and she was really curious right now. She already knew which room was Mark's so by process of elimination she found Roger's. She felt bad for snooping and decided she wouldn't stay long.

Crystal opened the door and walked inside. The place was a war zone, crap everywhere. You couldn't see the floor. She kicked stuff out of her way and took a look around. His trusty guitar was sitting on his bed. There was also a photograph. Crystal picked it up and saw Roger, smiling at the camera. She also noticed a beautiful Spanish girl sitting on his lap, smiling as well. _Whoever she was, she was a very lucky girl, _thought Crystal. She continued through the room and found another picture on the floor. This time it was of a redheaded girl with ice blue eyes and a pretty smile. "Man, he gets around," Crystal said to herself. She put the picture back and was just about to walk out until she noticed a ratty looking notebook on the floor. She opened it up and found a song in scratchy handwriting:

_Your Eyes_

_Your eyes  
As we said our goodbyes  
Can't get them out of my mind  
And I find I can't hide  
From your eyes  
The ones that took me by surprise  
The night you came into my life  
Where there's moonlight I see your eyes  
How'd I let you slip away  
When I'm longing so to hold you  
Now I'd die for one more day  
'Cause there's something  
I should have told you  
Yes there's something  
I should have told you  
When I looked into your eyes  
Why does distance make us wise?  
You were the song all along  
And before this song dies  
I should tell you I should tell you  
I have always loved you  
You can see it in my eyes_

She read the whole thing and thought _he really loved this girl. This song's amazing. _Just then Roger came to his room to get dressed. He opened his door and stood there with just a towel around his waist.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked her.

"I'm sorry, I was just curious, I just wanted to see what you were like. Besides, we still gotta talk," she said with her arms folded.

"You're right, I'm sorry. We'll go on the roof and talk, it's my favorite place," Roger said.

"Ok. I'll let you get dressed, and then we go before dinner, promise?" she said.

"Promise," said Roger. She then walked out and closed the door so he could change.


	4. Open Wounds

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

Chapter 4

Roger emerged from his room a moment later wearing a pair of jeans and a button down shirt. Crystal eyed him for a moment and said "You sure clean up nice."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Roger said giving her a playful shove.

Crystal walked out of the apartment first, followed by Roger who locked the door behind them. After what seemed to have been a never ending staircase, they finally arrived on the roof. Crystal looked down below and watched the cityscape.

"This view is amazing, no wonder you like it so much up here," she said.

"Yeah, it's just a place where I can clear my head and find peace once in a while," he said.

"So, who was those girls in the pictures?" asked Crystal.

"This is a very complicated story, but I'll explain it the best way I can. The girl with the red hair was my girlfriend named April. Before I met her, I was just hooking up with groupies here. She was my first actual girlfriend in New York, "said Roger.

"What made her so special?" said Crystal.

"I don't know really, it's hard to put into words. The way we met was very cliché. I saw her in a crowded room when I was playing a gig, and she had these eyes that grabbed you and wouldn't let go, you know what I mean?" he said.

"Yeah, I do," she said, looking at his.

"Anyway, she wasn't exactly the dream girl I though she would be, but I fell for her hard. I'd do anything for her. I think that's why I got into smack; I didn't want her to do it alone. I also wanted to know what it felt like and why she loved it so much. I wanted to be a part of her world, to have something we could share," he said.

Crystal nodded and he continued. "Well, eventually things turned horrible. April found out she was HIV positive, so that basically meant I was too. I didn't know until I found her in the bathtub with her wrists slit and a note saying "We've got AIDS"."

Crystal looked at Roger and could see that he was hurting.

"I'm sorry I'm making you do this, you can stop if you want," she said.

"No, this needs to be talked about. Besides, I'm not about to wimp out of a deal and you look pretty intimidating," he said with a smile. She laughed and he kept going.

"After that, I became _extremely _depressed and withdrawn. My only purpose in life at that point was to write a song before I died, but I wasn't living. I hurt a lot of people, I could only think about my pain. I gave up heroin because I saw what it did to me and April. The withdrawal was torture. I could have killed anyone that came in the way of my next hit. I could have killed myself to stop feeling the pain, but I did it. And my friends never quit," he said.

"And what about that other girl, Mimi was her name? Is she the one you brought up in Life Support?" Crystal asked.

"Yeah. I met Mimi in a little more unconventional way. She was a dancer at the Cat Scratch Club and had a great personality, strong and wild. She pretended to need me to light her candle so she could meet me. She was a heroin addict too, but I wasn't at that time. That was a big source of our problems and made me reluctant to get involved with her. I also didn't know she was HIV positive and I was afraid to tell her," Roger said.

"How did you find out?" she said.

"My AZT beeper went off and she recognized the sound and showed me hers. Our relationship had its ups and downs, especially with my jealousy issues with her and Benny because they had history together," he said.

"Who's Benny?" she asked.

"Our prick landlord who used to be one of our roommates as well as Collins," he said.

"So, what happened to Collins and Benny?" she said.

"Collins died two months after Mimi and Benny lives with his yuppie wife somewhere. Collin's boyfriend Angel, who was a cross dresser, died the year before. She was the first to go and it hurt us deeply," he said.

"What happened to the group after that?"

"Well, I ran to Santa Fe. I claimed I was looking for inspiration, but I really couldn't face my problems. Collins moved out to find work and Mark worked for Buzzline but was miserable because he wanted to make his own movie, which he did and it's amazing. Mimi dropped out of rehab and went missing for weeks. Finally Maureen and Joanne found her almost dead in the park. I was so afraid; I thought I was never going to get my moment to tell her how I felt. I never should have left. She survived but only for a month more, and then I lost her," he said with tears in his eyes.

"She's the one you wrote that song for," said Crystal.

"You read it?" he asked.

"Yeah, it was amazing, the way you speak about her I know she's the girl it was about," she said.

"I'm glad you like it, it's the one thing I'm proud of," he said.

"I'm sure there's more you can be proud of yourself for. I mean, look what you're doing for me. And I didn't have to get on my knees for a thank-you," she said.

"Not everyone is out to take advantage of you, remember that," he said.

After talking a little bit more about the past with Maureen, Joanne, Mark, and the infamous protest, Roger said "It's getting late we should go meet them they're probably worried."

"Yea, I'm starving, and I wouldn't pass up a chance to see the infamous café where the table dance went down," Crystal said with a smile.

They walked downstairs and out of the complex. The snow was still falling and it made Roger think of his and Mimi's first encounter as lovers. Pushing the thought out of his mind, he walked with Crystal to the Life Café.

**A/N: Thank you again for all the reviews they are really helping me!**


	5. Drama Queens at dinner

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, especially _Snurtz_ for your honest and constructive ones they really help!**

Chapter 5

Roger and Crystal arrived at the Life Café about ten minutes later, and he held the door open for her as she walked inside. Maureen waved for them to come over to their table, so they rushed to it before they got the third degree from the head waiter. Roger and Crystal took of their jackets and sat down.

"Where's Mark?" asked Roger.

"You know how he is, he'll arrive _eventually. _So who's this you got here?" asked Maureen.

"This is Crystal. I met her at Life Support and we became friends," he said.

"That's so cute! I'm Maureen!" she said and extended her hand out to Crystal.

"It's nice to meet you, I hope you don't mind me being here," said Crystal.

"Not at all honey, it's a pleasure, besides we let Roger come" said Maureen jokingly with a wink.

They all laughed and Mark arrived moments later. He looked frazzled and was carrying his camera.

"Sorry I'm late, I just got caught up," said Mark.

"We figured, take a seat," said Roger.

Mark sat and Joanne said "I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

After Joanne left, Maureen put her arm around Mark and said "How are you pookie?" It became obvious she probably drank the whole time she was there, and now she was _very _close to Mark.

"You look so stressed, relax" said Maureen kissing his neck. Mark tried to resist but couldn't, and he closed his eyes enjoying the affection.

"God, does she enjoying doing this to him? The poor guy can't say no" asked Crystal to Roger under her breath.

Maureen perked up after hearing this, and lowered her eyes in a deadlock stare.

"Excuse me, what was that?" she asked irritated.

"Nothing, I just asked Roger a question," said Crystal.

"Listen you little bitch, you don't know anything about us so stay out of it. Who do you think you are coming here and judging me?" said Maureen fiercely. She didn't take her cold eyes off of Crystal for one second.

"Maureen, knock it off!" said Roger.

Mark looked uncomfortable and Joanne arrived at the table a minute later in the middle of it.

"Little bitch! Who the fuck do you think you are, queen or something! I'll show you a little bitch!" said Crystal loudly.

The diners stared at the two of them and Joanne asked "What the hell is going on?"

"I'll tell you what's going on. You better watch your girlfriend here, it looks like her ex's neck is a favorite place for her mouth, but I'm not doubting other places as well!" said Crystal.

"Crystal, Maureen, stop! This is just a misunderstanding…" said Mark, but it fell on deaf ears as usual.

"Oh, so now you think you know all about this don't you! Well here's something you don't know missy!" Maureen walked over to Crystal and they were face to face.

"Stop it now!" said Joanne.

"You are nothing more than a fucking charity case to Roger, got that? You're just some poor pathetic loser that Roger took pity on and will probably end up sleeping with anyway!"

"Shut the hell up Maureen!" yelled Roger.

The whole restaurant was staring at the table after this like it was a good wrestling match.

"All you are is damaged goods and an easy piece of ass, so I think you should get off your fucking high horse because that's all you are, and that's all you'll ever be!" said Maureen to Crystal.

Crystal didn't know what to say after this, and her heart felt like it broke into a million pieces. Normally she would have punched her in the face, but this time she couldn't move. She was shaking and tears filled her eyes. After a moment, the whole restaurant was quiet waiting for what would come next.

The manager made his way over and said "Knock it off or you'll have to leave."

After a moment of being stared at by everyone, Crystal ran out of the Life Café. She began sobbing as soon as she was away for the café, and she felt the cold snow hit her face. She didn't know Roger was running after her, but he finally caught up with her and grabbed her arm.

"What is it, what do you want!" said Crystal between sobs.

"Do you actually believe her?" asked Roger.

"I don't know anymore. I don't know what to believe. Every time something that seems good comes into my life it's screwed up in some way," she said.

"Believe me, that's not what I'm trying to do. Have some faith in me damn it, I have faith in you. I mean, if I didn't would I be going through all this trouble?" he asked her, looking right into her eyes.

_It can't be true, this feels different. He's different. Maybe I should just take the chance, let my guard down for once._

"You're right. I'm just used to being called those things I guess that it's natural to believe it," said Crystal.

Roger began coughing harshly and said "We better get inside, it's freezing and we don't want to get sick."

"Yeah," said Crystal and they both walked back inside.

Joanne got up and put her coat back on and helped Maureen into hers. Mark got his camera and all his belongings and walked up to Roger and Crystal.

"I'll walk home with you guys," he said.

Joanne, who had to help Maureen walk straight, walked up to them as well and said "I'm very sorry about this. This will be dealt with first thing tomorrow morning, hangover or no hangover." Maureen looked like she was trying to give a dirty look, but looked more like she had to vomit. They all walked outside to say their goodbyes, and then headed home.


	6. Let me In

Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.

Chapter 6

Roger, Mark, and Crystal walked up a couple of flights of stairs and finally arrived at Crystal's apartment, number 702. The building was seedy looking and wasn't well lit. It wasn't like Roger and Mark's loft was anything special, but this place was worse.

"Are you sure you can stay here? You're welcome to stay with us if you want," offered Roger.

"No thanks, I'll be fine. Good night guys," said Crystal. She put her key in the lock and opened the door.

"Goodnight," said the boys and she went inside.

* * *

Roger and Mark arrived at the loft about ten minutes later and went inside. Mark said "Goodnight," and went into his room.

"Goodnight," said Roger. He took off his shirt and went into his room. He always only slept in his jeans in the winter or his boxers in the summer. He tried to fall asleep but started coughing uncontrollably. It felt like his throat was closing and he began wheezing, unable to breathe. His heart raced and he tried to inhale and exhale to get air in his lungs. Finally the coughing fit passed and he regained his breath.

_It's nothing serious; it's just because of the cold. I must have some phlegm in there or something, _he thought to himself and tried to go to sleep.

* * *

Crystal got undressed and just put on a pair of boxers and a tank top. She dozed off on her couch for a little while until she heard a knock on her door.

"Bayy...byy... It's me, Jake, open up, I miss you," the voice slurred.

_Shit, if I let him in I know what he's gonna do and there's no way I can fight him off. How the fuck did he find me? _

Crystal began panicking and tried to think of what she should do.

"Come on, I know you want me, open the goddamn door!" said Jake loudly.

Crystal looked at the fire escape and thought of what to do. She threw on her boots and jacket and quickly went out of her window. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do to just go out in a tank top, boxers, and a leather jacket but she had to get the hell out of there. She ran down her stairs and started down the street. She knew where she wanted to go.

* * *

Roger slept lightly; he wasn't much of a night person. Around three in the morning he heard frantic knocks on the door.

"Roger! Mark! If you can hear me please open the door!" pleaded Crystal.

Roger jumped out of bed and ran to the door. He opened it and found Crystal shaking in just her pajamas and a jacket. She noticed he didn't have a shirt on and his body was very striking.

"What the hell happened, are you ok? Come inside it's freezing," said Roger.

He closed the door and she sat on the couch. Roger found her a blanket and sat next to him. She wrapped it around herself and stopped shaking.

"Are you ok? Tell me what's wrong," said Roger.

"He came to my apartment. He found me Roger, I don't know how he did but I'm scared," she said, crying into his chest.

"You're staying here from now on, understand?" he said.

"Are you sure, I really don't want to trouble you guys, I feel so bad," she said.

"I won't take no for an answer," said Roger.

"Thank you," she said.

"You'll sleep in my bed, I'll take the couch," he said.

"No, really don't do that. I don't want to put you out of your bed," Crystal said.

"Nope, it's already decided. Now go get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning," he said.

"Goodnight," she said and went into his room. Roger eventually fell asleep on the couch but his coughing fits returned every so often. Crystal was too afraid to sleep, and hearing Roger cough made her even more uneasy.

The next morning, Crystal woke up around nine. She heard Mark and Roger stirring around the loft and walked out of Roger's room.

"Good morning, what would you like for breakfast, eggs, toast, and bacon?" asked Mark.

"I thought you guys were poor," said Crystal jokingly.

"Yeah, but every so often that ATM at the Food Emporium _really _comes in handy," said Roger with a smile.

She remembered hearing this story from Roger and laughed. "He must have been a genius," she said.

"Yeah, he was brilliant," said Mark.

"Hey guys, do you know if there is a Life Support meeting today? I don't have my schedule thing from the court," she said.

"I don't think so. I think it's only once a week, but Paul's there all the time if you need to talk to him," said Roger.

"Ok thanks, I'm gonna go do that," said Crystal.

"If you need clothes, you can use some of Mimi's," said Roger.

"Oh no, I couldn't do that. I mean, wearing your girlfriend who died's clothes wouldn't feel right," she said.

"No, I'm ok with it. It's better than them just sitting there, I know she'd like them being put to use," he said.

"Alright, as long as you're ok with it," she said.

He nodded, and she picked out a plaid skirt, white tank top with a black sweater over it, and blue boots. After getting dressed she put on her jacket and walked towards the door.

"Do you want me to go with you?" asked Roger.

"No, I'm ok. I want to go alone thanks," she said. He looked like he understood, and she walked out of the loft and made her way to the Community Center.

* * *

When Crystal arrived at the Community Center, Paul was directing some youth volunteers putting up Valentine's Day decorations. He turned around when he heard her come in (graceful entrances were not her forte), and said "Hello Crystal, what can I do for you today?"

"I'll come back another time, I see you're busy," she said.

"No, not at all, I'm always here to talk. Let's go to my office, "Paul said. He then turned to the teens and said "I'll be back guys in a while. Keep up the good work."

The office was tiny and just had a desk and two chairs. Crystal sat down and Paul sat behind his desk.

"Ok, what would you like to talk to me about?" he asked her.

She took a deep breath and said "I'm afraid."

"What is the source of your fear Crystal?" Paul asked gently.

"I'm afraid of dying. I see now what the disease does to people; reality is starting to sink in. I feel like a leper sometimes," she said.

"Fear of death and the unknown is natural Crystal, but there are two options in life. You can either make your whole life center around the fact that you will die, probably before most. But it does happen to everyone. Or, you can live your life the way you want to and make it the most fulfilling experience you can," he said.

"That's not all I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of losing the only good thing that's ever happened to me. It's a guy in fact. Roger Davis. No one has ever given a damn about me as much as he has. No one has ever had any expectations for me. At first I had lustful feelings for him but now I feel like we're siblings. He's the caring older brother I never had. I feel like I don't deserve it and that there's nothing I can do to ever repay him," she said.

"Oh yes, Roger Davis. He's a good man. You know how you can repay him? By doing the same wonderful thing for him that he has done for you. Don't forget that he has lost four very important people in his life in very tragic circumstances. Believe in him, guide him, listen to him and most of all respect him the way that he has for you. And the greatest thing you can give him is your time, trust, and loyalty," said Paul.

"Thank you so much Paul, you've been such a help. You should be so proud of yourself for what you do for us," said Crystal.

"You're very welcome," said Paul.

They said their goodbyes and Crystal took this talk to heart and headed back to the loft.


	7. Paper hearts and heart to hearts

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

Chapter 7

_February 14th, 11:30 A.M-Standard Eastern Time_

All of the Bohemians were at the loft doing various things. Maureen and Crystal were at the kitchen table cutting out hearts from red construction paper. Maureen _eventually _apologized to Crystal, but not without a few arguments and Joanne swearing off sex first.

"You remind me so much of myself sometimes!" she said to Crystal as she added some glitter to her paper heart.

"Is that a good thing?" asked Crystal with a grin.

Both of them laughed and continued working. Mark played around with some footage with Joanne while Roger sipped a beer on the couch.

"You know what guys? We should have a Valentine's Day party," said Maureen.

"Um, I guess so but Crystal and I have Life support tonight so it'll have to be later," said Roger.

"Oh, come on! Why do they have to have meetings on holidays anyway?" said Maureen with a pout.

"The holidays can be the most depressing and traumatic times for people baby. Besides, it's only an hour," said Joanne.

"Ok, what time is it at?" asked Maureen.

"Seven," said Roger.

"At eight o' clock we're gonna throw the best V-day party ever! Oh, I know what we can do. The girls should get red dresses and they can pick out their own style. And the guys should get nice suits! It'll be so fun!" said Maureen eagerly.

"Um, one problem. How would we be paying for this affair?" asked Mark.

"Three letters Marky. A-T-M," said Maureen.

"Yeah but we can't keep stealing from it, especially large amounts or it'll be noticed," said Roger.

"Ok, no fancy clothes, but still a party," said Maureen.

"You got it," said Joanne.

The table was littered with crayons, markers, paper, glitter, doilies and whatever else Maureen felt would be necessary. Soon enough, the windows and walls were covered with red paper hearts. A few of them had their names on it in glitter and she put those all together on the door.

"Damn Mo it looks like a third grade classroom in here," said Roger.

"Very funny Davis," said Maureen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When seven o' clock rolled around, Crystal and Roger said goodbye to the others and headed for life support. There was about an inch of snow on the ground and ice, so Crystal made sure to be careful in her heels.

"So, what's up?" asked Roger. He didn't know what else to say and he didn't want the whole time they were walking together to just be quiet.

"Oh, nothing, just enjoying myself making paper hearts like a six year old," she said. They both laughed.

"But seriously, nothing's really new at all. I'm happier than I've been in a while so that's always good," she said.

_There's more I want to tell you. I'm afraid of losing you, I hear you at night. I don't know what I'll do without you _she thought to herself.

"I'm glad you're happy, I must be doing something right," he said.

"Well, yeah, since you're cooking is so _wrong_," Crystal said.

"That was one time and we were able to put it out!" said Roger.

"I know, I'm just kidding, chill," she said.

When they arrived at Life Support, Roger held the door open for her and they both walked inside. Everyone was seated at the circle and they took their places.

"Well, I'd like to start this meeting by saying Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I know it may not seem like a happy occasion to some, but remember it is the day celebrating _love_," Paul said.

"Happy Valentine's Day," they all said.

"And if we can, today I'd like our topic of discussion to be love. And not just for each other, but for people who have wronged you because of your illness. One of the steps of healing is forgiveness. Now, who would like to being today?" asked Paul.

Crystal slowly raised her hand.

"Yes Crystal?"

"Well, I was on the subway the other day and I met this boy. He was so cute and we really hit it off. He wanted to go out sometime and I of course accepted," she said.

"What happened next?" asked Paul.

"Well, he wanted to hang out tonight, and I accepted but told him I had Life Support first and he backed out…" said Crystal.

Roger remembered when that happened. She came home in tears and locked herself in his room for hours.

"That must really hurt. How many of you have had similar experiences?" Paul asked the group.

A couple of people raised their hands.

"I forgive him though, I mean he doesn't understand," said Crystal.

"I'm glad you do. It shows your maturity and strength," said Paul. "Anybody else have a story?" he then asked.

A woman in her twenties raised her hand.

"Yes Jennifer?" said Paul.

"I was with a guy named Sean. We were very much in love and were going to get married. Before we got engaged, however, he had a one night stand at a party and became infected with HIV. He didn't know, and passed it on to me. Well, after we found out, we were devastated. He felt guilty, and I felt angry and betrayed. Eventually he thought of the idea that we should both kill ourselves to free us from the illness. I didn't agree to it because I wanted to live. I didn't want to give in and let this defeat me. He went along and did it anyway. Even after all the pain he's caused me, I was still hurt by his death because I loved him, I really did," she said.

Roger and Crystal felt her pain; the story seemed to apply to both of them in their own way. After a few more stories, including Roger sharing his about his first night with Mimi at the Life Café, the meeting dispersed and they went back home before Maureen would flip about them being late for her party.


	8. An Oasis of Love

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

Chapter 8

When Crystal and Roger arrived back to the loft they were greeted by Maureen wearing red lingerie.  
"Hey lovers! Come on into my oasis of _love,_" Maureen said gleefully.

The loft had been even more decked out then when they left. There were pink and red candles everywhere and boxes of candy shaped like hearts on the coffee table. Every usable surface was covered in red tablecloth. On the counters there were bottles of champagne and strawberries. Joanne was wearing a red sweater with a heart on it (most likely picked out by Maureen) and didn't look too thrilled.

"How the hell did you pay for this?" asked Roger.

"Me," said Joanne.

Maureen walked over to the bathroom door and knocked on it.

"Marky, our guests are here, come greet them," said Maureen.

"I'm not coming out!" said Mark defiantly.

"Oh come on pookie, for me? It's Valentine's Day, don't be embarrassed there's nothing but love here," said Maureen.

"Ok but I'm not gonna like it," said Mark weakly.

He walked out of the bathroom dressed in a homemade Cupid costume. The sash around his chest said _God of Love. _

"Doesn't he look _adorable_?" said Maureen.

Roger and Crystal laughed hysterically together at this. They didn't laugh to be cruel; it was just a natural reaction.

"You see!" said Mark, his cheeks turning red.

"No, I'm sorry man, it just threw me off," said Roger between laughs and breaths.

"You are the cutest little god I've ever seen though," said Crystal.

"Ok everyone, gather around the table. We're gonna play a fun game where you pick a card and answer the question on it to everyone. I made them myself," Maureen said, pulling out a set red index cards and a set of pink ones.

"The rule is: you gotta spill. Don't be a sore sport, and that means you Mark. The red ones are the questions, and the pink ones have our names on it. Those tell who has to answer. Ok, who wants to pick the cards first?" asked Maureen.

"I will," said Joanne. She took one of each from Maureen and flipped them over.

"Ok, Mark has to answer this one. What was the age of your first sexual experience?" said Joanne.

"That's romantic…" said Roger.

Mark looked embarrassed for a moment and mumbled "twenty two".

"You're welcome," said Maureen with a wink.

Everyone laughed and then it was Crystal's turn to pick the cards.

"Ok, the pink one says Joanne, and the question is: Besides the person you are currently with right now, which one of us would you want to hook up with, alive or dead?" she asked.

"Wow, this is tough, but I'd have to say if I was drunk and curious, it would have to be Roger," she said.

"Hell yeah the sex god is back!" said Roger raising his hands in the air like it was another victory.

"Oh please, that's only if she had beer goggles on and magically one day liked men," said Mark.

Roger was next to pick the cards.

"Ok this is for Crystal. What is your deepest desire?" he asked her.

She thought for a moment and said with a grin "Mark,"

Mark began blushing and said "Oh, no, um that's very sweet, I'm flattered but…"

"Don't worry Marky, I'll be legal in two months and then I'm all yours!" said Crystal spreading her legs in the air.

"Oh my god, Crystal, you're a sweet girl and all but it wouldn't work," said Mark, still blushing and stumbling on his words.

"You are so easy to fuck with Cohen," said Roger.

They all laughed and then Maureen got up and brought over the bottles of champagne and other liquors from the cabinet.

She set them down on the table and said "This should help us all loosen up, right Mark?"

"Yeah," he said skipping the champagne and making a grab for the Southern Comfort.

After drinking assorted things, they all were in a good mood and spoke about their day. Crystal was only having champagne and beer under the watchful eye of Roger, and not too much of it. She took the bottle of Jack Daniels but Roger took it from her and said "Easy champ you're too young for this stuff."

She pouted and said "Come on Roger, I'm gonna be eighteen soon, I can drink," and tried to grab the bottle from him but he wouldn't give it up.

"Nope," he said simply.

"Fine," she said with a huff.

The rest of the night was just a casual gathering with light chatter and relaxing. Around one a.m. everyone began to clean up and then leave. Maureen put some clothes on and then her coat. She and Joanne said their goodbyes and Crystal said "Great party Maureen."

_February 14th, 3:00 AM-Standard Eastern Time_

**Roger's POV**

_Today was a good day. What an interesting party. _A fit of coughs all of a sudden came over me. _I can't breathe, I need to breathe. _My breaths were short and every one of them felt like a chore. I got up and went into the bathroom. My reflection looked pale and I began coughing again. This time it felt like my chest was tight. I started shaking and sweating. Now my chest hurt and it felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I fell to the ground and tried to remain calm.

_Breathe, whatever you do, damn it, just keep breathing._

**Mark's POV**

After the wildness of the party calmed down, I was very happy to get out of that goddamn cupid outfit. I tried falling asleep, but spent most of my time fiddling with my camera. I heard a harsh sound and sat up. _Roger. _It sounded like someone was choking him. I didn't know if I should have gone to help him. Roger hates it when people fuss over him. The coughing became worse. I walked over to my bedroom door and put my ear to it. My heart started racing. It sounded like he was dying. No, it can't be. Not yet. I walked back over to my bed and put my pillow over my head.

_If I can't hear it, it isn't happening…If I can't hear it, it isn't happening…It's not real, it's a nightmare. A sick and twisted nightmare. _

**Crystal's POV**

_That fucking coughing! Every time I hear him it feels like it'll be the last time. How can someone so caring and so supportive be dying? _

I got up and looked out the window. The same view Roger loves so much from the roof. It hurt me a lot to see him in so much pain.

_Our time together can't be over. There's so much more he has to teach me._

I hear Roger walk back into the living room after a while, and I can breathe easier again. My heart stops pounding in my chest, for now.


	9. Hold me up

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

**Italics are flashbacks. **

Chapter 9

_Roger sat on the couch and strummed his guitar slowly, waiting for Mimi to come home. It was around midnight. He loved spending time with her and it didn't always have to be sexual, even though that was quite nice. Ever since that incident last month, he tried treasuring whatever time with her he had left. It was January but there wasn't much snow outside and the chilly air seemed to seep through every crack in the loft. He traced his fingers over the strings and blindly strummed random chords. The phone rang but he didn't feel like answering it. It was probably his or Mark's parents giving their daily lectures on how they've fucked up their lives. _

_SPEEAKKK…_

"_IS ANYONE HOME? ROGER, MARK, COLLINS THIS IS AN EMERGENCY PICK UP THE PHONE!" _

_It was Maureen, she sounded frantic. Roger ran to the phone and picked it up._

"_What's going on?" he said quickly._

"_It's Mimi, she passed out at work! They're taking her to the hospital now," she said frantically._

"_I'm on my way!" said Roger. He threw on his leather jacket and ran as fast as he could. _

_This time, he wasn't there to say goodbye._

-------------

_After getting out on bail, Jake and Crystal returned home. It was the end of December so naturally the apartment was like an icebox. Jake paced around the room and was fuming._

"_How the fuck did we get caught! Holy shit I could be doing some serious time! How did they find out?" _

_He then looked at Crystal. _

"_It was you, wasn't it? You ungrateful bitch!" _

"_I didn't! I swear!" she pleaded. _

"_I don't believe you!" he said angrily. _

_He charged after her. Crystal tried to run but he grabbed her arm and turned her around._

"_You live in my house! You eat my food and drink my liquor! And what have I gotten? Nothing!" _

_He raised his fist and punched her in the eye. _

"_Well, I think my payments due!" _

_He threw her on the ground and pinned her down._

"_Jake stop! Please! No!" Crystal tried to wrestle out of his grip but he was too strong. He had one hand around her neck. He ripped off her shirt and pulled down her pants. She was sobbing and in pain. After what seemed like forever he got off of her and said "Tell anyone about this and you'll regret it." _

_A week later he kicked her out and a girl named Candy moved in._

----------------

_March 11th 1:00 P.M.- Eastern Standard Time _

Light broke through the windows of the Ryder Community Center. After days of rain the weather seemed promising. The Life Support group was assembled in their usual circle with a few new members.

"Hello everyone. Today we have a new person joining us. Her name is Sherri. So, Sherri, would you like to share your story with us?" Paul asked.

The girl looked around twenty with bleach blonde hair and big hoop earrings. She wore purple eye shadow and red lipstick. Her red dress looked too small for her and provided no protection against the still chilly March wind.

"Well as you know my name is Sherri, and sure I'll tell you my story. I mean no sense in hiding anything right? I'm a prostitute. I came to New York about a year ago to be an actress. Look how great that turned out. I needed to make money and this guy in my apartment complex told me that it would be a great way to make quick cash and to start out. He ended up being my pimp. I'm guessing you all know how I contracted HIV now. In my own twisted way I considered this acting. I could make men believe that I wanted them just as much as they wanted me and act like I was enjoying myself. Well, I guess reality is a lot shittier than the movies."

"Here here," said another member.

"Today I'd like our topic to be reality vs. illusion," said Paul. "Would anybody like to add to Sherri's topic?"

"Yeah I will," said Crystal.

"We're all listening," said Paul.

"I hide in illusion. I never wanted to admit this anyone because it seems so immature but sometimes it's the only way I can escape and deal with everything. Reality happens anyway, we all know that, but for that day, or hour, or minute, I want it all to just go away and have everything stay exactly like it is," she said.

Roger knew that he lived by this too. Maybe that's why he now sucks down cough syrup and buries his f ace in his pillow when he has a fit. Maybe he's just running from the fact that death is catching up with him. He didn't want people to worry about him or get scared.

Mark was at the meeting too, filming the whole thing. After Crystal finished, Paul turned to him and said "Would you like to speak today Mark? You're always filming and it's nice to be heard once in a while."

Mark looked confused for a moment and didn't know what to say. When he finally spoke he said "I'm considered the strong one of the group. I'm always there when people need it with unfaltering courage and compassion. It's just sometimes I'd like someone to hold me up. I feel things just like everyone else. And inside I know I'm weak. I wanted to cry at Angel's funeral. I wanted to scream when I saw Mimi in that hospital bed or Collins on the floor of his apartment, but I never let myself. I live in this delusion that if you don't feel, it can't hurt you and won't happen."

"Mark, I think that because you are the one that will ultimately outlive everyone as long as nothing happens, god forbid, you feel guilty. You feel as if because you don't have any "real problems" that you have no right to feel anything or be depressed, but Mark you're human. Everyone feels things and you have every right to. And I'm sure you're friends will be there for whatever you need," said Paul.

Roger nodded his head at this and felt guilty. Crystal touched Mark's hand and he hugged her. Roger apologized but Mark said "There's nothing to apologize for."

After the meeting, they all walked out into the March sunlight.

"I'm hungry, let's get something to eat," said Crystal.

"How about the Life, I have to talk to them about getting a job anyway," said Roger.

"Well, what are we waiting for then? There's no need for us artists to have to starve," said Mark.

The Life was only a few blocks away and when they got their Crystal hoped she was able to get a job there. She didn't want to see herself at the Pink Cheetah for money.


	10. The Venom In his eyes

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT, it all belongs to Jonathan.**

**A/N: I'm sorry to keep you waiting Jedi and everyone else! I've been on hiatus because of school but I found some time and I'm back to update! ItalicsFlashbacks**

Chapter 10

_March 22nd 3:00 PM Standard Eastern Time_

_Mark paced around the room nervously, checking his watch. Roger should have been home by now and he wasn't just worried about him getting sick. He had something to tell Roger, something very important. He was scared to tell him; how would he take the news? How would he respond? Would he look at him differently? He didn't want to wait until Roger was on his deathbed to tell him, so it had to be today. Just then he heard the metal door slide open. Roger walked inside and brushed the snow off of his leather jacket. He looked pretty good, even though he was losing weight._

"_Hey buddy" he said to Mark, "Is everything ok?" _

"_Yeah, I'm fine, sit down Rog, I need to talk to you," said Mark, stumbling on his words._

"_Sure, you know you can tell me anything," said Roger._

"_Ok" said Mark, sighing heavily. "I'm gay."_

"_That's all? I was wondering when you were gonna tell me," said Roger._

"_You…knew?" asked Mark surprised._

"_Mark, I've known you for like ever. Every time you were around a woman, even Maureen, you never looked comfortable or happy. But while you were around a nice guy, however, you had this sparkle in your eye, you know?"_

_Mark was stunned. He knew why Roger was his best friend and could never accept the fact that he was dying. Roger stood up and embraced Mark all of a sudden._

"_I'm glad for you buddy, I hope you find happiness," said Roger genuinely. _

* * *

_March 31st-8:00 PM Standard Eastern Time_

Mark was looking himself over in the mirror, making sure all aspects of him were flawless. He had a date tonight with a great looking guy named Dave who he met at the park while filming some footage. Dave had green eyes, black hair, and a killer smile that made Mark weak at the knees.

"Mark, can you PLEASE hurry up in there? I really gotta pee and you take longer than me in there when I do my hair and that's saying something!" said Roger urgently.

Mark stepped out in a nice gray sweater and black dress pants. He walked over to the table and picked up flowers that he had for Dave.

"Sorry Rog, this night's just really special to me, you know?" said Mark.

"I know buddy, I'm sorry. Good luck tonight, I hope it works out. And you better be home by ten mister!" said Roger jokingly. He shook his finger at him for added measure.

"Will Crystal be working at the Life tonight? I want her to meet him," said Mark.

"Yup, she'll be there to seat you guys. She'll tell you what she thinks of him I'm sure. Me, I don't have that ability," said Roger. Mark laughed.

"Alright, I better get going. Bye Roger, and thanks for everything!" said Mark.

Roger waved and Mark was out the door.

Mark took his bicycle and arrived at the Life Café around 8:15. Dave was there already, and he greeted Mark.

"Thank you so much for the flowers hon, they're beautiful," said Dave smiling.

"We better get inside, I don't want you to get cold," said Mark.

Mark and Dave walked over to the podium Crystal was standing behind.

"Hello my lady, your finest table for two," said Mark grinning.

"And who is this?" asked Crystal.

"Dave, this is Crystal, Crystal, this is Dave."

They shook hands and Crystal led them back to a small table. Crystal couldn't shake the feeling that she knew Dave from somewhere, but didn't make a big deal out of it. She gave them their menus and said "Ok guys, your waiter will be right with you, enjoy your dinner at the Life Café." (It was something she had to say, but she added a little wink for Mark.) There was two candles in the middle of the table (Crystal called in a favor), and Mark couldn't stop gazing at Dave in the candlelight. Dave touched his cheek and Mark giggled like a little school boy.

"Mark, this is amazing. I'm so happy to be here with you," said Dave. He reached out his hand and touched Mark's, looking right into his eyes. Mark blushed and didn't pull away.

"I can't wait to see some of your films Mark, I'm sure they are amazing," said Dave.

"Aw, thanks, they're nothing special," said Mark.

"Don't say that, you're so creative and talented, I'm surprised you aren't famous by now," said Dave.

Mark couldn't stop grinning and giggling. This guy seemed perfect to him in every way. He was interested in his life, articulate, charming and sweet. Maybe for once Mark Cohen could have a true shot at love and happiness.

"So, Dave, what's your life like?" asked Mark.

"Well, I write poetry and I love my dog. I work at a clothes store for now, but I'm hoping to become a writer someday," said Dave.

"I can't wait to read your poetry," said Mark.

"Thanks sweetie, finally someone is interested in it," said Dave with a smile.

"Well I have to go to the bathroom, don't go anywhere," said Mark gently.

"I wouldn't dream it," said Dave smiling.

When Mark left, Dave took something out of his pocket and looked around to make sure no one was looking in his direction. He then slipped something in Mark's champagne. Mark came back a few moments later and sat down.

"Now where were we?" said Mark.

"A toast to the future of me with a wonderful man like you Mark," said Dave with a more sinister grin, but it went unnoticed by Mark.

"Cheers," said Mark and they tapped their glasses together.

"Bottoms up honey," said Dave and they both drank their champagne.

* * *

_April 1st Midnight-Standard Eastern Time_

Crystal slid the metal door open of the loft and walked inside. Her feet were aching from working all night, and she collapsed on the couch. Roger came out of his room when he heard her come in.

"Is Mark home yet?" asked Roger.

"No, he's probably still with Dave. And with looks like that, I wouldn't blame him. I can't shake the feeling that I know him from somewhere though," said Crystal.

"You probably have just seen him around. It's just not like Mark to go home with someone after one date, but maybe they're just hanging out and enjoying each other," said Roger.

"I'm sure he's ok. Well, I'm going to bed, I am wiped out. Goodnight Roger," said Crystal.

"Goodnight," said Roger. "I think I'm going to wait up for Mark,"

"You want me to wait with you?" asked Crystal.

"No, you worked all day, go to bed. I'll be fine," he said.

"Alright, I hope you get some sleep, and cover up for Christ's sake it's still cold out!" said Crystal.

"You got it," said Roger with a grin. Crystal went into his room and Roger sat on the couch to wait. He had no idea what he would find later on.


	11. Drowning in Regret

**Disclaimer: You know it isn't mine. :)**

Chapter 11

_April 1st 7:00 AM-Standard Eastern Time_

Sunlight through the window penetrated Roger's eyes and it's brightness slowly woke him. He rubbed his eyes and stretched. He then jumped up and realized that he forgot about Mark. He never came home last night. There could have been the possibility that Mark spent the night with Dave, he really did like him. But Roger couldn't ignore his feelings that something was terribly wrong. Mark would have at least called last night. He'd make sure him and Crystal took their medicine and had something to eat. No, something must have been wrong. Roger got up quickly and walked over to his room. He knocked on the door hard and Crystal opened the door.

"Morning Rog, everything ok?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Mark never came home last night, I'm worried. He didn't even call," said Roger.

"I'm sure he just spent the night, I mean come on, Mark's a grown man, and he's crazy about Dave," said Crystal.

"I'm going for a walk, I need to clear my head," said Roger.

"Ok, I'll make us some breakfast after I shower. I'll stay here in case Mark comes home," said Crystal.

Roger nodded, threw on his jacket, and headed out the door.

The city streets were packed as usual, even this early. It was still chilly out, but not as deadly as January and February were. Roger shuffled around the crowd, knocking into people here and there and mumbling apologies. His thoughts were completely focused on Mark, and he looked at the ground as he walked. _Mark dammit, please come home. At least call, anything. _Roger walked over to the Life and went inside, hoping to find Mark there. He scanned the room and didn't see him at any of the tables. He asked a waitress if he saw him, and she replied that she didn't. _What if he was mugged? What if he's hurt, in trouble? What if he's dead? _Roger's head was racing and his heart beat faster and faster. Feeling defeated, he went back to the loft an hour later.

* * *

_April First: 8:00 AM Standard Eastern Time _

Crystal had breakfast made, but Roger couldn't eat.

"Roger, I'm sure every thing's fine, you always assume the worst," said Crystal. She took his barely touched plate away after a moment and stuck it in the fridge.

"I have like this intuition, you know? I just know something isn't right," said Roger.

"Listen, you're a good friend Roger, but you're giving yourself unnecessary grief," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn't expect her to understand their relationship, Roger knew Mark inside and out, and vice versa. A few minutes later, the phone rang. Roger didn't feel like answering it, and Crystal was cleaning up the kitchen.

_SPEAKKK..._

"_Hi, Mr. Davis? My name is Detective John King. I hope I'm calling the right address, I'm trying to reach where Mark Cohen lives..."_

Roger immediately picked up the phone.

"Sorry, what's going on?" asked Roger.

"I think you need to come down to Mercy Hospital. It's very serious," Detective King said.

"What's wrong? What's going on?" Roger started panicking, and he couldn't stop shaking.

"I don't want to discuss too many details over the phone, just come down here as soon as possible," he responded. Roger slammed down the phone.

"Crystal, we have to leave now! Mark's at the hospital and the police are involved," he said urgently. He grabbed Crystal's hand and they ran down the street.

When they arrived at the hospital, they burst through the lobby and Roger looked around frantically. He rushed to the front desk and said "I need to know where Mark Cohen is right now!"

The girl behind the desk said "He's in the trauma unit, third floor room 313, Detective King is up there as well."

Roger didn't even thank her but ran to the elevator and jumped inside. _Trauma unit, what the fuck happened? _His knees felt weak and he wanted to vomit. He hated hospitals, absolutely despised them. They gave him claustrophobia and brought back too many bad memories.

"I'm so scared Roger, I don't want to see what's behind that door," said Crystal.

Roger didn't say anything but put his face in his hands. He couldn't face what was beyond that door either. The elevator gave a loud _ding _and they both stepped outside. When they reached the room, there was a police officer standing outside of the door.

"Roger Davis and Crystal Muller?" he asked them.

They nodded.

"You two are the only approved visitors for now, step inside, Detective King is waiting for you," he told them.

"Whatever happens, I'm with you Roger," whispered Crystal.

"Thanks, I need someone with me," he said back.

They both walked into the room and stopped in shock. They couldn't believe the horrible sight before them. Mark was laying in a hospital bed unconscious without his glasses. He had bruises on his arms, wrists, face, and neck. His lip was busted and he had a black eye.

"Oh my god Mark, what happened to you? Oh my god!" Roger ran over to the bed to hold his hand but a police officer stepped in front of him.

"I'm sorry Mr. Davis, we can't let you do that just yet, we need to get evidence from him and he can't be touched," said Detective King, who was sitting in the corner.

"What happened, do you know anything, please?" asked Crystal.

"Well, sit down. This is going to be hard to take," said Detective King. Crystal and Roger each found a seat and sat down. Roger rocked back and forth and held his mouth.

"Mr. Cohen was found in an alley this morning by a homeless woman. He was badly beaten, and his clothes were disheveled. Further examination has shown evidence of rape, sexual assault, strangulation, blunt force trauma, and that he was bound. A drug was also found in his system, most likely a date rape drug such as GHB, and he probably doesn't remember any of it. He is in a medicine-induced coma for now so he can recover," he told them

_Rape, sexual assault, strangulation, blunt force trauma, bound. _The words swirled in Roger's head like angry bees. _What did that motherfucker do to you? I'LL KILL HIM! _Visions of Mark, helpless, being hurt, stabbed him like a thousand knives. He started sobbing. No one has ever seen Roger sob before, not even at April's funeral, but the tears just flowed. Crystal placed her arms around him and sobbed too.

"You two should leave, this is a very traumatic situation. I'll call you as soon as we find anything, and you can come visit later," said the detective.

They both nodded and Crystal helped Roger out of his chair. Stunned, they both waked home in silence. When they got there, Roger stormed into his room and slammed the door. Crystal put her ear up to it now and then, making sure Roger was ok. All she could hear was Roger making angry noises and throwing things around the room. Other times, he just collapse on his bed and cry again. His best friend in the whole world was hurt in the most vile way, and he couldn't do anything about it. Crystal just leaned against the door, helpless herself, with tears flowing down her cheeks. She knew what it felt like to be used like an animal, treated no better than meat. She remembered the feeling of being vulnerable, violated, and guilty. Crystal walked over to the bathroom and went inside the shower. She sat in the corner, crying hard, trying to scrub not only her feelings of shame and filthiness, but Mark's as well.

* * *

_April 2nd – 10:00 AM Standard Easter Time_

Roger and Crystal both sat at the breakfast table, but neither of them said a word. Both looked awful, with bags under their eyes and their clothes a mess. Neither of them could sleep last night either, especially Roger. He had multiple nightmares about what happened to Mark. Even though Mark was drugged, he had visions of him crying, screaming, begging for help. They both snapped out of their daze when the phone rang. Roger picked it up immediately.

"Mr. Davis, I just called to let you know that we have a suspect in custody, and his name is David Murphy. We picked him up trying to hop a Greyhound at Port Authority. Following the description of him given by the employees of the Life Cafe and yourselves, we were able to apprehend him quickly because he is a convicted felon. His DNA matched what we found in Mr. Cohen, and he will be tried multiple charges. Mr. Cohen should be off of his medicine in a day or two, but you can come down to visit," said Detective King.

"Thank you so much!" said Roger. He hung up the phone and smiled, happy that Mark's attacker was finally caught.

"What happened?" asked Crystal.

"They caught the guy! Some con named David Murphy," said Roger.

Crystal's eyes widened and she let out a piercing scream. The mug she was holding shattered into a million pieces.

"Crystal, what's wrong? Tell me!" said Roger frantically. He grabbed her shoulders.

"I know how I know Dave now. David Murphy was an associate of Jake's in his drug-dealing ring. He was his right-hand man. This means I'm next Roger, he knows where I am and how to get to me," said Crystal. Roger embraced her as she cried, vowing not to let anyone hurt her or Mark again.


End file.
